How to tell you're being emotionally abused

When Dominican-American writer Zahira Kelly started the hashtag #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou, she had no idea that it would trend with thousands of women, and even a few men, taking the opportunity to discuss their own experience of psychological maltreatment.

"Abuse is often seen as very cut and dry, and only physical. For several years now on social media, on a daily basis I talk about many different forms of abuse and what they look like,"

She added that she created the hashtag in order to enable people to "suss out damaging situations".

And counsellors agree with Zahira that there are signs of identifying whether you are being emotionally abused. BBC Trending  isolated a few from the tweets on Kelly's trend.

Other people think they're great

1. Maybe he doesn't but he convincingly pretends to the outside world that he is a moral, caring & responsible person, when you know otherwise.

"Emotionally abusive people are very concerned with their public image," counsellor Amanda Perl told BBC Trending. "They are often extremely charming to the outside world in order to undermine any case you might have to discredit them or bring a spotlight on their behaviour.'

He mocks you and makes fun of you and your insecurities 

2."They publically embarrass you. That can include on social media too, where they reveal anecdotes designed to get a laugh at your expense. If you aren't laughing and they continue with this behaviour, it is a form of emotional abuse," says Perl.

Won't see your point of view

3.'Maybe he doesn't hit you but he'll say your behaviour is harmful' 

"This is a form of 'stonewalling'. When your partner refuses to engage in conversation, or deflects issues that concern you and manipulates you into believing your point of view is not valid," says Perl, "it's another form of control."

Use things you've said against you

4. "Maybe He Doesn't Hit You but he uses your darkest secrets against you and manipulates you to do things against your will."

"These can range from how many sexual partners you've told him you've had to any form of deviance; whether it's a sexual fantasy or something you wouldn't want anyone to know." says Perl.

Try to make you jealous

5. 'Maybe he doesn't hit you but will compare you to ex's and other people frequently intentionally making you feel inadequate."

"There is a difference between people who are physically and emotionally abused," Perl says. "Abusers often suffer with unmanageable anxiety, and so look for partner who can compensate for this inadequacy. The emotionally abused are generally secure and intelligent people. They aren't meek. However they are generally co-operative, facilitative and can be natural people pleasers."