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Domestic abuse and violence is not a Nigerian problem. It is happening all over the world. Violence is never the option. Sometimes, home training is a big part of this issue that is fact becoming a tragedy amongst us.
Domestic abuse is NOT OK. No matter what the partner has done, even if it is a case of infidelity,which is mostly the worst-case scenario, it does not warrant violence for any reason whatsoever!
Simply walk away! Walking away is easier said than done because we haven't trained ourselves that way in our younger years. Some of us just want to keep raising hell and this can be very dangerous.
Sometimes, the person who is abused is the man, even though that's not very common in this part of the world.
First things first, parents need to teach their children that beating/hitting their siblings is NOT acceptable., Charity, they say, begins at home. If can't do it at home, then you should be the same person outside.
Verbal abuse is wrong, especially from the part of the woman and physical abuse is totally wrong from the side of the man, and vice versa. There is also the case of emotional abuse where one party is mistreated and, or talked down in a demeaning manner.
SEEING YOUR MUM OR DAD BEING ABUSED
Your parents are actually the first example of marriage as you grow up. If as a lady, you see your mum being punched regularly by your dad, you may grow up thinking it is acceptable when your man does it to you. It is NOT.
LACK OF SOUND MARRIAGE COUNSELLING
The best counselling comes from our parents really. Even though there are charities out there that over marriage counselling, some of these classes are not exactly sound.
LACK OF INDEPENDENCE ON THE PART OF THE WOMAN
Some women are not that independent and that is one reason the husband may be taking advantage of them. In many cases, the women are used to the comfy lives that their husbands have provided for them and find it hard leaving the relationship because they wonder where they would start from.
BECAUSE OF THE KIDS
The couple may have children between them and in Nigeria, there's this thing about 'staying because of the children'. What if you die before you are able to get out of the relationship? Will your children not continue to live without you?
DEALING WITH AN INSECURE HUSBAND
Some men would not want their women to fulfill their potentials; sometimes, it's simply a case of the man not wanting other men to check his woman out and this can be quite frustrating for the woman.
MY PASTOR SAID I SHOULD STAY
There is this dangerous Nigerian culture where some pastors would tell victims of domestic abuse, to go back home to their husbands and 'be submissive'. I am not against a woman being submissive to her husband, the men need to love their wives too! It's a two-way street and we need to understand that
PEOPLE OVERLOOK THE PROBLEMS DURING COURTSHIP
In many cases, the handwriting is always on the wall, it just depends on whether you are willing to read. A lady experiences her man beating her while they're dating and she thinks she can 'change him'. Nobody can change any other person if the other party is not willing to change.
RUSH IN, RUSH OUT
Out of desperation, some of us rush into marriage for reasons best known to us. Marriage is a life-long thing. It is important that the two parties spend time getting to know each other and be true to each other.
Having said that, there are still so many people who are married and totally enjoying their marriage; so there is no need to say you don't want to get married at all.
Do your best to know who you're dealing with and be a person that your husband would also love to be with!
Phoonmie is a journalist and wrote this for HealthJourno
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