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1. GET TO KNOW YOURSELF. Knowing your own body and how to pleasure yourself is essential. If you do not know what you like, how do you expect someone else to please you?
Finding your G-spot, touching erogenous zones or experimenting with different stroking techniques will all help. There is no shame in masturbation, and you shouldn’t just masturbate to achieve orgasm – it can be incredibly empowering.
You could even explore masturbation with your partner and enjoy the build-up together.
2. CONNECT WITH YOURSELF. Sexual intelligence is all about bringing your heart, sex and head together. Most people don’t do that.
It is common for people to be very comfortable with their sexual energy but they don’t bring their heart into it, in that they have good, enjoyable sex with their lover but don’t get attached. Others don’t have good sex with the partner they have been with for 20 years and feel close to.
Understanding yourself and why this is will help you boost your sexual intelligence.
3, CONNECT WITH YOUR PARTNER. Many couples have an unspoken agreement that defines their physical relationship. But without talking about it, how do you know you have the same terms?
Communicating sensitively about what is acceptable and pleasurable is essential. Just talking about and exploring new sexual concepts – or even practising closeness – will help your relationship and boost your sex life.
4. TAKE IT SLOW. We live in a fast-paced society but that does not have to be the case in the bedroom. Having slow sex will help align your sexual desires, physical self and emotional self.
Slow sex will have you teetering on the edge of orgasm and will bring you both pleasure.
5. SEE YOUR PARTNER FOR WHO THEY ARE. Making prolonged eye contact during love-making will help you see how much pleasure he or she is having.
It also makes the experience much more personal – and helps a woman see a god in her man and a man see a goddess.
6. LEARN TO ENTICE YOUR PARTNER. It is normal for one person to have a higher sex drive. If you ask someone for sex and they are not in the mood, the answer will be no.
So it is best not to ask. But physical contact is a good start. Try cuddling or stroking them. Offer to run them a bath or ask them to stroke you. It might take a little while but the closeness could lead to sex.
By being patient you will also become more attractive to your partner.
7. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS. Many wrongly believe you have to be happy to have sex. This is not the case.
When you can effectively talk about how you feel – whether sad, angry or frustrated – you can take each other to a different place. There is no reason why you cannot make love when you feel sad. It is all part of the dance of our sexuality.
8. EMBRACE YOUR SEXUALITY. You do not have to be sexually active to boost sexual intelligence. Take in every experience – even when you are grocery shopping.
Light up your senses. Look, feel and smell fruits, for example, as you are perusing the supermarket aisles.
It is these daily experiences that boost your sexual intelligence by helping you appreciate every day and life for what it is – and it is more than just a functional, animalistic act.
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